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Who Run The World Squirrels – Absolutely Lowest

Who Run The World? Squirrels Cover

Who Run The World Squirrels is the worst received part of Ryan North’s Unbeatable Squirrel Girl. And it’s not just because of how awkward it is to say or type for SEO. Despite Doreen Green getting to be a flying squirrel for a bit, it comes with a lame villain. And yet, the villain was intentionally made to be dull and irritating.

Who Run The World Squirrels Title Character

Doreen’s strengths

See what I have to work with to get SEO? Unbeatable Squirrel Girl’s title character is an out of the box thinker. Despite her goofy looks and superpowers that allows her to talk to squirrels and move like one, she’s highly effective. Because rather than hit first and call it a day, Doreen prefers to optimistically go to the root of problems. It’s how she can convince Galactus to stop using superheroes to find planets to snack on. This problem solving mindset is reflected in her college major of computer science. Think of it like being a debugger.

For the most part, this series is very well done. And it’s voted for being the most digestible for teens. But then there’s the subject of our post. Who Runs The World Squirrels has been rated the worst part of the series. Most of it revolves around the execution of Doreen’s antagonist, entrepreneur Melissa Morbeck.

Why The Hate?

Melissa on first glance is designed to be a corrupt foil to Doreen. When she introduces herself with the “Great Power means Great Responsibility” credo, it’s what connects her to Doreen. Well that and she apparently can talk to other animals. Look for more details you’d have to read prior stories to understand this significance. Melissa is also willing to bankroll Doreen with a “Flying Squirrel Girl” suit. But when Doreen uses her brand of transformative justice, Melissa shows her dominating personality.

Melissa is in fact a fraud and a thief who uses microchips to control animals. Her mentorship with Doreen was to eliminate her as a threat. But Doreen doesn’t share Melissa’s view of having power over others. So Melissa tried to turn the public against Squirrel Girl, but it didn’t work out after everyone vouched for her character.

So…

Yeah, Melissa’s as by the book as villains can get. But that’s not why fans didn’t like her debut.

Here’s one reason

One reason is because most time spent with Melissa is her monologuing. It’s practically so contagious other characters fill up space with their own words. Most of Unbeatable Squirrel Girl has higher paced energy with quirky scenarios full of heart. Melissa meanwhile is very “tell don’t show” kind of villain. Unlike other Squirrel Girl villains, she’s just boring.

Here’s the other one

The other bit is how Melissa somehow gets her way in the arc’s last issue. Somehow, someway, she manages to convince the authorities that Squirrel Girl is responsible for animal attacks. The very same police that just an issue ago were coming to arrest Melissa for kidnapping Doreen. Not only that, but people would generally understand that Doreen can only communicate with squirrels. She can’t talk to bears or other zoo animals. And yet Melissa got away with it until her control over the animals is broken.

What’s The Point of Her?

Melissa is a very forgettable villain, a very standard foil of the optimistic Squirrel Girl. But I have a feeling Ryan North designed her this way for a very specific reason.

Squirrel Girl Debut. Art by Steve Ditko

You see, Squirrel Girl was created by Spider-Man co-creator Steve Ditko. Okay not exactly, Will Murray actually came up with the concept, Ditko just designed her costume and retractable bone claws. In any case, Ditko has a reputation with Author Tract, implementing objectivist principles into his stories. For example, Peter Parker was a standoffish jerk to Betty Brant at one point. Wait who? Doesn’t matter. Do I even have to bring up Ditko’s ideal hero Mr. A?

Gotta give this points for presentation though.

To put it bluntly, Melissa is a subtle roast on Ditko. Let’s compare Melissa to Mr. A. He spends a lot of issues monologuing about the principles of objectivism. For Ditko, this is meant to be inspiring; but in practice, it’s really boring. Then there’s Ditko’s use of the designated hero; instinctively doing right and never being wrong. Again, in practice these characters would be pretty messed up. Mr. A for example, is willing to commit manslaughter to see his beliefs through. While Melissa can persuade even Doctor Doom of all people, to get what her way.

With that last bit in mind comes a quick disclaimer. Melissa actually leans closer to the Fountainhead version a Randian Hero. Namely being more or less a cult leader, the kind with pyramid schemes and such. Ditko himself did not really like this kind of character, preferring the Atlas Shrugged model. Says who? Copra’s Michel Fiffe actually.

Who Run The World Squirrels: Still Lame

With the objectivist criticism in mind is Who Run The World Squirrels any better? I think it might depend. A number of Unbeatable Squirrel Girl fans prefer the short two issue arcs with their faster pace and heart. Plus it’s safe to say some people could call the Ditko roasting a Garth Marenghi move.

Personally, when I read it, I felt like I was gonna fall asleep. A bunch of characters who were just babbling in ways that didn’t make any sense. But at least when Melissa returns as the final villain of Unbeatable Squirrel Girl, she spends less time monologuing.

So what do you all think? Is this roasting of Squirrel Girl’s co-creator unappreciated? Or did it take too long? Leave your thoughts down below.

Thanks for coming to the end and as always remember to look between the panels.

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