Lance Barnes: Post-Nuke Dick is a relic that’s been decorating my shelf for a while. What started in Marvel’s old creator-owned imprint went around places like Moonstone. As the tin says, this is the story of an avant-garde premise and the dick who lives in it. Please refer to the video below.
What’s So Epic About Lance Barnes Post-Nuke Detective?
This post-apocalyptic pulp started in Marvel’s Epic imprint for creator-owned and license material. Written by Stefan Petrucha, art by Barry Crain, and lettering by Willie Schubert this series… What do you mean I gotta include the colorists? My trade wasn’t in color and barely anybody’s ever heard of the other guys. There aren’t even three-eyed dames in the pages, what’s the big…
Alright so the initial mini-series was colored by Steve Buccellato and Kevin Tinsley, respectively of X-Men and Spider-Man fame. Why are the guys with the least paying part of comic book art the ones with bigger bibliographies?
Anyway… Petrucha is arguably best known for his Danish Disney Comics as well as Nancy Drew. Well those and the detective novel Ripper. It looks like Lance Barnes: Post-Nuke Dick is his first detective story. Pretty big improvement considering he started out as a technical writer.
As for Crain, he’s a storyboard artist these days, with his latest work being in Netflix’s Kulipari. Then there’s Schubert who works with Christopher Priest most of the time. You know the guy who made Black Panther famous… wait don’t remind him of that.
In any case, Lance Barnes lasted four issues from April to July of 1993. But it wasn’t one of the series to get reprints in trades. Epic didn’t last anyway; it halted productions in 1998.
Is This Moonstone Precious?
So Lance Barnes: Post-Nuke Dick got the trade treatment in Moonstone Books in 2004. This Chicago publisher focuses on a lot of pulpy content including comics most widespread character, the Phantom. That and it also becomes a place for creator-owned material to find a new home. Some of those titles fit our underrated lists like Lions, Tiger, and Bears.
So does mean that Lance Barnes has more merit than just a root to Petrucha’s detectives? I certainly enjoyed it from its second chapter onwards. Wait what?
So yeah, the copy of Lance Barnes I got from a con has the first issue and some of the second missing. Bit of a blessing in disguise though as I didn’t find the first issue that enjoyable. But maybe that’s personal taste.
Lance Barnes: Post-Nuke Dick a.k.a. Soft-Boiled
For that matter let’s talk about our title character. The first thing you need to know about him, he helped cause the nuclear event when he cut the wrong wire. In a James Bond-like suit no less… whoops. He’s also a dick in every sense of the word. So yeah, that Archer promo has it right. Lance operates as a semi-famous PI that gets paid in canned peaches. That’s a better currency than knives. Anyway, he’s a good detective, but his passions tend to get the better of him. A lot of the time it’s not even guilt or trauma from his nuclear slip-up; Lance just wants things he can never have or keep.
When I first saw the guy, my first impression is an addict who will never be satisfied. I mean he’s driven to bluff his way through an amputee town just to get cigarettes. That’s not even mentioning his toxic codependent relationship with his one-legged secretary Peg. Fortunately, like all good scumbag protagonists, Lance is humbled by circumstance. He’s never quite on top of things, but he never hits rock bottom either.
In fact Schubert’s lettering does the best job in showing Lance’s appeal. He sounds tough in the captions, almost like he’s trying to convince himself of awareness. Only for the next panel to show that he has no impulse control. His own speech balloons practically allow the reader to anticipate his actions. For example, distorted balloons show Lance influenced by his nicotine withdrawal.
Anything But Over Easy
Civilization has changed after nuclear detonation with variable results. That’s pretty much what I like best about Lance Barnes: Post-Nuke Dick. Through Crain’s artwork, readers experience unforgettable settings. Each page comes with surprises in juxtaposition with other events that flow from one panel to the next. For example, one setting has an abandoned shopping mall as the hub for tribes of people. One is a cult of cookie bakers, another’s full of underwear models with Aztec-like rituals. It’s a good way to look at our world and laugh at how similar the absurdities are in fictional ones. I mean we all still have tribal differences between people. And who knows when malls will be anything but a shelter?
What Was Wrong With Issue 1?
Alright I’ve been going on how the second issue hooked me in. I stand by my opinion that it makes a great gateway into Lance Barnes: Post-Nuke Dick. But that’s normally the first issue’s job. Why did did the first issue not do it for me? While the opening of Lance cutting the wrong wire was good, I didn’t really like the issue’s story. I think it’s because I already saw a lot of Batman parodies. Long story short, a dog-themed Batman is on trial and Lance is hired to find witnesses to his character.
Otherwise it was a pretty standard investigation that didn’t really speak about Lance’s character. Not to mention the setting Lance originally appeared in wasn’t that interesting. It was a town of people trying too hard to build civilization back up. At least as far as showing that feudal legal systems are like organized crime. Unlike the other three issues, this one was kind of dull.
Does Lance Barnes: Post-Nuke Dick Hold Up?
Fortunately, I already explained how the other three issues more than make up for the mini-series. It’s balls-to-the-walls comedy is fun and rereadable. Plus the dumb cultures of post-civilizations is unforgettable, especially in the last issue. Amid a personal stake circling back to the beginning for Lance, it has one of the best satirical gags I’ve ever seen. It involves the US national debt and how something familiar brings people together. Only for people to realize how stupid debt is as a motivator.
Still I guess I should speak about some other shortcomings, especially with Peg. Peg is pretty 2-dimensional, she’s Lance’s only friend but he’s a pretty lousy one to her. But at the end, that’s all she really is, a reactive and reflective accessory of Lance’s. She’s just as impulsive as him like when she eat sacred cookie dough. Don’t ask, nothing big comes out of that anyway. Most of the time, she’s just reacting to Lance’s hijinks.
I still think Lance Barnes: Post-Nuke Dick is a good time. I didn’t even need the fully story to appreciate it. So at the end of everything, this series gets 7.8/10. Thanks for coming to the end and as always remember to look between the panels.