Squirrel Girl: The Secret Origin Theories

Squirrel Girl, Squirrel Girl, can’t make her ankles do a whorl.

Welcome to Comic Theory, a segment that analyzes the concepts and characters in comic books to make a best guess. Today we’ll be looking at Marvel’s lovable superhero fangirl turned full on hero, Ms. Mar… uh… Squirrel Girl.

Squirrel Girl: Quick Introduction

Doreen Green is a surprisingly competent hero despite her unusual power set. This part squirrel creation of Steve Ditko communicates with the little saboteurs. While a relatively low number of characters manage to overcome Galactus and Doctor Doom; only Squirrel Girl manages to beat them in the most unusual ways. Galactus even goes on an acorn diet along with his planet snacking. Ryan North and Erica Henderson’s run on the character does her justice; showing some clear insights to Doreen and the Marvel Universe in general.

But the strengths of those series just don’t answer a theorist’s questions. Beneath all the fun and games, no one knows where Squirrel Girl’s powers came from. But that’s why you’ve got guys like me. We’re going to go over all the possibilities of how Doreen Green got her powers in the Marvel Universe.

The Squirrel Girl Origin Can’t be These

But first let’s get a few things out of the way. No radioactive squirrel bites, magical acorns, teleportation experiments, or Terrigen Mists. Doreen was born with her powers including the squirrel tail so we can rule out the unnatural stuff.

At first everybody including Doreen thinks she is a mutant. Complete with the need to hide her powers and being picked on for being different. A squirrel tail isn’t even the weirdest mutation from the X-Gene. Making eggs out of their own body takes that spot. But that idea’s cast aside; because come on… someone as optimistic as Squirrel Girl sharing a house with the X-Men? Those guys are just emo kids most of the time. Although Doreen’s weird relationship with Wolverine can create a much needed foil to the mutants.

Is the Answer in the Parents of Squirrel Girl?

Then there’s the matter of Doreen’s parents, Dorian and Maureen Green. Maureen for all intents and purposes is just a regular Canadian woman with dual citizenship. Dor is an electrician who met her at a singles party. As far as anyone can tell, neither of Squirrel Girl’s parents have powers let alone squirrel heritage. Besides I think Maureen would’ve had a black squirrel tail. But maybe whatever Dor’s busy in might have results. Every time he’s brought up, Maureen always says that he’s working.

Could that mean that Dor is in some secret project like Weapon X? Maybe being electrician is just a cover while he’s secretly a corporate spy. He could get involved in a heart breaking plot during an encounter with his daughter.

Ha! That’d be funny if it wasn’t so overused. It’d be more likely that Dor would show up in a more ironic plot. Somebody says “Squirrel Girl, I am your father”. And then irony comes in: (Ringing!) “Hi Doreen, just got off of work and thought I’d help your mom make your favorite peanut butter cup cakes”. “Thanks dad, but I’m gonna hafta call you back. I’m working.” Fortunately there are other ideas.

It’s Guesstimation Time

One idea that fits could actually fit Squirrel Girl works more than Scarlet Witch or Quicksilver. Doreen’s powers could come from the High Evolutionary, the geneticist turned god complex AI. He experiments on beings’ genetic structure to create hyper evolved species. Good god, that origin is a cop-out. And don’t get me started on the whole lore of the twin’s parents, that’s a headache onto itself.

Fortunately, Squirrel Girl actually matches up with High Evolutionary’s profile on other beings including the New Men, animals evolved into a humanoid form. But does this mean that Doreen is the first of a line of a generation of New Men? Maybe she’s like Jessica Drew the Spider-Woman. Actually with how Squirrel Girl stories are told, it’s more likely some left over serum and data got onto Doreen and she got the incomplete squirrel powers. (She can’t rotate her ankles like squirrels can.)

You Know What; Who Cares?

But at the end, does it even really matter? She’s still the Unbeatable Squirrel Girl. Regardless of where her powers come from, Doreen still eats nuts and kicks butt.

So remember the ink’s not dry yet. Remember to like, subscribe, comment, and look between the panels.